Autism and Religion

I am a religious person. I haven't always been this way, though. I went through my own process of discovery before choosing to become a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Being a member of this church has blessed my life in more ways than I could list. I always dreamed of sharing that happiness with my children. I wanted to see my sons go on missions, and then marry in the temple. I had hoped to have a daughter to pass on my heirlooms to, and see my children have children of their own. But Heavenly Father had a different plan in mind for me. I was always a bit of a peculiar and imaginative child; my mother always said I danced to the beat of my own drum. Perhaps I wasn't meant to live an ordinary life, and so far, it has been the farthest thing from what I had dreamed, and most certainly not what I would call ordinary.    

Autism has so many facets, that it is impossible for me to encompass every issue regarding autism and religion, but I would like to write about the few aspects that affect our family personally. Our son, Braden, sees things in black and white. He is very literal and has difficulty grasping abstract concepts that can't be seen or shown to him. He does not understand what the Holy Ghost is (or what a ghost is period), nor does he really understand who Jesus and Heavenly Father are, and why Jesus died for us. If these things could be explained with Lego sets and instructions (Braden LOVES "reading" Lego instructions, no words, just pictures), we'd be good, but they really can't, so he doesn't understand why we want him to put on uncomfortable clothes and sit quietly for three hours every week, when he can't even sit still through a meal.

Jackson is a sweet, quiet, and mostly content little guy, but he gets very anxious when surrounded by a lot of people. People he doesn't know are unpredictable to him, especially other children. He really does not know what to make of other kids, so he will hide or ignore them completely. He does not speak, and cannot ask for help or answer questions. His developmental age is closer to 18 months-old rather than three, so his grasp on religious concepts, really isn't known, or developed yet.

As it stands now, neither of our children understands our core belief system. The very system which affects every decision we make. This is pretty disheartening, but Jeremy and I still have our faith, though. We still believe in gospel of Jesus Christ. But attending church on a weekly basis is nearly impossible for us. Just as it's difficult to take our children to birthday parties, Christmas gatherings, trick-or-treating, to the doctor, to the mall, or to the store...etc. Nothing is easy when you have two children on the spectrum, and even if so-and-so is miraculously able to get their autistic children to attend church, they aren't us. All children with autism are different and so are their parents. Maybe we're doing it wrong, but we are doing our best.

So, we've become captives in our own home because going anywhere only causes chaos and frustration for everyone. Every once in a while, we try to get out of the house, and do something "fun" just to see how it goes, but it usually ends up with Jeremy dragging a kicking screaming Braden out of a restaurant or store, and waiting in the car while I pay the bill or check out. Then we get to the car. If Braden hasn't calmed down, Jeremy ends up sitting in the back seat between Jackson's car seat and Braden, so Jackson doesn't become the victim of a flying limb. By the time we get home, we're rundown and ragged, and Jeremy's butt is numb from sitting on a seat that was not meant for a grown-up. So, we whisk the kids into the house before they can disturb the entire neighborhood, and we swear to ourselves we will never leave the house again.

We have a wonderful ward (area of members that attend church with us). They have been very supportive and have offered to help us in many ways, and without them and my faith, I would have had a nervous breakdown long ago. They pray for our family and care about what happens to us. That Christ-like attitude is part of what brought me into the church. I believe that Heavenly Father gives us challenges to overcome in life. (See my last post) And I hope and pray that someday, we will be able to attend church as a family, but until then, we will keep trying, and I pray for strength, patience, and friendships that will help get me through these times. Living far away from our families has definitely left a gaping hole in our life, and having good friends helps to bridge that gap. My life may not be what I planned it to be, but it's my life and I'm going to live it one day at a time.