Back to School: The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

I know there are some parents out there who are sad to see their kids go back to school at the end of the summer—I'm not one of them. When my kids are home together, they have to be constantly supervised, and it is extremely tiring. And when I say constantly, I'm not exaggerating. Even if they aren't attacking one another, one or both of them is usually doing something that will either get them hurt, or destroy our house. By the time "back to school" rolls around, I'm dancing through the aisles at Target as I shop for school supplies singing that Christmas song "It's the most wonderful time of the year". (very much like this) I count down the days until we can get back into a regular routine, because summer and track out are anything but routine. Kids with autism thrive on routine and predictability, so school (as long as they are in a good class) can be one of the best things for them.

This year, I will have BOTH of my boys in school all day. I'm both scared and excited. I'm scared because Jackson is so little, I just can't picture my baby going to school yet, but I'm excited for him to begin learning and hopefully getting some of the help he badly needs. He still doesn't speak, but he is picking up on some sign language, so I have hope that we will be able to find SOME way to communicate with him, even if he is non-verbal.

What will I do with myself between the hours of 9:00 - 2:30 you might wonder? I know exactly what I want to do—WRITE! I can finally focus on my writing career and have time to write (not in the middle of the night, like I do now). I am working furiously on a new book, and I have ten other writing projects in line after that, not to mention this blog. I know I don't have a cult of followers who read my blog, but I keep it because it's a record for me to look back on. Who knows, maybe one day I will write a book about Autism (the thought has definitely crossed my mind).

Having the boys in school will also give me time to focus on my health. Constant stress eventually leads the mind and body to break down. I've definitely hit that point. I have quite a few stress related or stress induced health issues that I struggle with every day. (Learn more about how stress can cause burn-out here) I'm not going to spill all of my medical history to the world, but I would like to reach out to other moms out there who deal with the stress of having a child with autism and emphasize the importance of STRESS RELIEF!! Do whatever it takes to give yourself a break once in a while. The money you pay to a baby-sitter, or mother's helper, pales in comparison to the money you spend going to ten different doctors, loads of prescription drugs (with side effects), all trying to undo the damage of STRESS.

Hang in there (I know that sound like a cat poster…ha ha ha…we love the Lego Movie at our house, so if you don't get that joke, you probably don't have boys). Don't break under the pressure of autism. It's a lifelong challenge and it can be truly daunting, but I know you love your child, like I love mine. As a mother, it's second nature to give, give, give, but it's really important to take some time for yourself (and your husband too if you have one, if you don't, there's even MORE reason for you to get a break!)

Am I a horrible mother because I'm not crying when I drop my kids off at school? No. No I'm not.


 

Autism and Religion

I am a religious person. I haven't always been this way, though. I went through my own process of discovery before choosing to become a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Being a member of this church has blessed my life in more ways than I could list. I always dreamed of sharing that happiness with my children. I wanted to see my sons go on missions, and then marry in the temple. I had hoped to have a daughter to pass on my heirlooms to, and see my children have children of their own. But Heavenly Father had a different plan in mind for me. I was always a bit of a peculiar and imaginative child; my mother always said I danced to the beat of my own drum. Perhaps I wasn't meant to live an ordinary life, and so far, it has been the farthest thing from what I had dreamed, and most certainly not what I would call ordinary.    

Autism has so many facets, that it is impossible for me to encompass every issue regarding autism and religion, but I would like to write about the few aspects that affect our family personally. Our son, Braden, sees things in black and white. He is very literal and has difficulty grasping abstract concepts that can't be seen or shown to him. He does not understand what the Holy Ghost is (or what a ghost is period), nor does he really understand who Jesus and Heavenly Father are, and why Jesus died for us. If these things could be explained with Lego sets and instructions (Braden LOVES "reading" Lego instructions, no words, just pictures), we'd be good, but they really can't, so he doesn't understand why we want him to put on uncomfortable clothes and sit quietly for three hours every week, when he can't even sit still through a meal.

Jackson is a sweet, quiet, and mostly content little guy, but he gets very anxious when surrounded by a lot of people. People he doesn't know are unpredictable to him, especially other children. He really does not know what to make of other kids, so he will hide or ignore them completely. He does not speak, and cannot ask for help or answer questions. His developmental age is closer to 18 months-old rather than three, so his grasp on religious concepts, really isn't known, or developed yet.

As it stands now, neither of our children understands our core belief system. The very system which affects every decision we make. This is pretty disheartening, but Jeremy and I still have our faith, though. We still believe in gospel of Jesus Christ. But attending church on a weekly basis is nearly impossible for us. Just as it's difficult to take our children to birthday parties, Christmas gatherings, trick-or-treating, to the doctor, to the mall, or to the store...etc. Nothing is easy when you have two children on the spectrum, and even if so-and-so is miraculously able to get their autistic children to attend church, they aren't us. All children with autism are different and so are their parents. Maybe we're doing it wrong, but we are doing our best.

So, we've become captives in our own home because going anywhere only causes chaos and frustration for everyone. Every once in a while, we try to get out of the house, and do something "fun" just to see how it goes, but it usually ends up with Jeremy dragging a kicking screaming Braden out of a restaurant or store, and waiting in the car while I pay the bill or check out. Then we get to the car. If Braden hasn't calmed down, Jeremy ends up sitting in the back seat between Jackson's car seat and Braden, so Jackson doesn't become the victim of a flying limb. By the time we get home, we're rundown and ragged, and Jeremy's butt is numb from sitting on a seat that was not meant for a grown-up. So, we whisk the kids into the house before they can disturb the entire neighborhood, and we swear to ourselves we will never leave the house again.

We have a wonderful ward (area of members that attend church with us). They have been very supportive and have offered to help us in many ways, and without them and my faith, I would have had a nervous breakdown long ago. They pray for our family and care about what happens to us. That Christ-like attitude is part of what brought me into the church. I believe that Heavenly Father gives us challenges to overcome in life. (See my last post) And I hope and pray that someday, we will be able to attend church as a family, but until then, we will keep trying, and I pray for strength, patience, and friendships that will help get me through these times. Living far away from our families has definitely left a gaping hole in our life, and having good friends helps to bridge that gap. My life may not be what I planned it to be, but it's my life and I'm going to live it one day at a time. 

Contents Under Pressure

My life is a marathon, I started out running, and someone came along, handed me a large rock, and said, "Okay, now you have to carry this for the rest of the race." So, I kept on going, my arm would get tired, and I would switch the rock to the other arm, eventually, I felt both arms were strong enough to keep carrying the weight. Then, they came to me, handed me a rock twice the size of the first, and said, "Alright, now you have to carry this rock for the rest of the race." The rock was twice as heavy as the first and I had to cradle it under my arm as I ran, but I kept going. Then they came to me with a small boulder and said, "Okay, now this boulder is quite a bit heavier than the last. We will provide you with a running partner who will help you. You can carry the weight together, and it will make you both stronger if you stick together. You can do this!" They mounted it on my shoulders, and I was almost stopped dead in my tracks. It was so heavy, it really slowed me down, but I kept going, my partner and I, only at a slower pace for a while. After some time, I felt my legs get stronger, my back could bear the weight, and I picked up my pace. We were doing pretty well. Then they came to us and said, "Sorry to do this to you, but you will have to carry a new boulder, but you've gotten so strong, we know you can do it! We will be right here beside you, like always, to help you back up if you fall, and of course, we will keep cheering you on." Then they rolled an enormous boulder (the size of a man) out and mounted it on our shoulders. The weight was crushing, and I was sure it would finish me. How could I run the rest of the race with this thing on my back? But they said I could do it, so I was determined to keep going, even if it was at a snail's pace. We had gone barely a few steps when they stopped us and said, "Wait! We forgot to add something." And they strapped another boulder of the same size on top of the other one! We both fell to the ground under the weight. They helped us back up to our feet and said, "Emily, Jeremy look at how far you have come. You began with just one rock, and you've never given up. If you can carry this weight for the rest of the race, you will become a true Titan, and nothing will be able to stop you from claiming your prize. Just keep on going!" And so, here we are.

The boulders are not our children; the boulders are autism. The weight is more than we ever imagined it would be. Some days, we take a few steps forward, but we fall down a lot, and need a lot of help. These recent days have been some of the harder ones, but we both know they will pass and even if we take only one step each day, it's something. Even if we fall, as long as we get back up, we are still going. Our "coaches" (Our Heavenly Father, our Savior, Jesus Christ, and our families) watch over us, encourage us, and sometimes help us carry the weight. We don't know when the Marathon will end and there are times (like now) where one of us (Jeremy) has to take a little extra weight while the other has an injured foot. (That would be me, no joke. I have a heel spur, among other health issues that make doing my part, incredibly difficult, if not impossible most days.) Someday Jeremy and I will finish this race, and our prize is eternal glory. We will throw those boulders off our backs and stand tall and strong. Who knows, before the end of the race, maybe we will have enough strength to help someone else bear the weight too.

My favorite band is Safetysuit. They come from TN, and I found them by accident really, but their music is very good, and they have a song called "These Times" which I listen to on hard days. (Watch the video. It will give you goose bumps.) They remind me that times get hard; life is hard for everyone, but time passes and the hard times with it.