IEP Meetings! EEK!

What is an IEP? It is an Individualized Education Plan. Sounds simple doesn't it. It most definitely is not simple in any form. I have dreaded IEP meetings since before I ever attended my first one. I had been warned by therapists and other parents about what a nightmare it can be. Having a child with special needs means you go to many meetings, doctor's visits, evaluations and more meetings. What is different about the IEP meeting is that you are going into battle for your child's education. When I say battle, I mean battle. You have to fight them for every precious minute (yes they count how many minutes exactly) of therapy time and where you want your child to be placed. Many parents with typical children will have parent teacher conferences and that's about it. An IEP meeting is much more terrifying. If you have a spouse, therapist or advocate that is willing to go into battle with you, it's a little less scary, but for me, it's usually just me against the school district. Jeremy has been to maybe one or two IEP meetings, because he usually has to work or babysit Jackson while I go. Here is how my last IEP meeting went.

I walked into the school office, bracing myself and rehearsing every argument I could think of to get what I wanted for Braden. They lead me back to a conference room where there were about four people (I didn't recognize any of them) sitting. I sat down in a chair and waited, knowing there were more people on their way. By the time the meeting got underway, I was outnumbered nine to one (the odds were not in my favor). I sat there feeling like a child who was in trouble, big trouble. Why was I in so much trouble? I had asked for Braden to be put into a mainstream (meaning normal) classroom with the help of an aide. Braden likes to mimic the behavior of the kids around him, so I believed it would be good for him to be around typical kids and just have some help from an aide. Made perfect sense to me, but this kind of request is always met with balking because it costs the district more money for Braden to have an aide to himself. They had nine people there to tell me I was wrong, and that after evaluating Braden they had determined that he was not ready for a mainstream class. Each of these people were professional educators, how was I supposed to argue with them? Except to say, they had only observed or evaluated Braden for a short period, where as I am his mother and think I know him pretty well. My opinion counted for squat. They knew what they wanted to do with him and they were determined to shoot me down. I didn't stand a chance. Once I had been put in my place, the rest of the meeting was spent determining a set of goals for Braden to work toward during the next year. I left the meeting feeling defeated and weary (the meeting lasted at least two hours).

Some IEP meetings go smoother than my last one, but they all feel about the same for me. I feel like a soldier getting ready for a battle that I know I can't win, I may have a few small victories but in the end, I'm doomed to fail against the bureaucracy (the school district) that always has the final say. I don't blame the teachers and education professionals whose hands are tied by things like budgets, and politics of the school district, which makes it all the more a losing battle for everyone, but for Braden most of all.

I'm currently getting ready to attend what's called a transition meeting for Jackson, who will be going into the special education pre-school. That's simply code for the meeting to prepare me for the IEP meeting. Even though I'm a veteran of IEP meetings, they make you attend all these meetings. It's just procedure. It's hard for me to imagine my little Jackson going to school. He's such a small boy still. He's two and a half but he's the size of an eighteen-month old. He still seems like a baby to me. He's not ready for school; he can't even talk yet! I know it will be good for him though. Braden's speech improved so much after he started pre-school. Jackson is so different from Braden in his social issues though. Braden would walk off with any stranger who asked him to, Jackson is very attached to me, so I think he's going to struggle at first.

Now, IEP meetings aren't only about goals and how much therapy the child needs; it's about placement into a certain program for the next year. Every district has different programs for different special needs children. So at the IEP they determine which program will best fit the needs of the student. For both of my children, it's going to be an autism program IF the district has one, and IF there is room for him. Braden has never attended the same school two years in a row since he started pre-school. Every year for some reason or other, he is moved to a new school. I absolutely HATE this! Children with autism thrive on routines and they don't deal well with change. We've had Braden at good schools and bad schools; every time they tell me they're moving him, I panic, not only for myself, but also for Braden.

I don't know about other moms who have kids with IEP's but this is how I look at it. I'm a warrior; I go to battle for my kids and I fight tooth and nail for everything I can get them. I dig up as many resources as I can muster, and I fight. That will never change. Some days I feel like I'm battling the world we live in with its imperfections, other times I'm fighting the schools or I'm fighting the state for more resources. Sometimes I'm fighting against my own inner struggles and feelings of failure. I even have to do battle with my kids, to help them, but they don't see it that way, they just see me as someone who won't give them what they want. Braden puts up a good fight too, now that he's almost as big as I am, I literally can't restrain him when he's out of control. The last time I tried to clean out his ears (which get disgustingly waxy), I got a head to my chin and I was sure he fractured it. That was several weeks ago and it still hurts, but I've learned to pick my battles. If he wants waxy ears, so be it. Isn't it silly that we have to battle with him over something as dumb as earwax or nail clipping or hair cutting, don't even get me started on Braden and boogers! I would call any mother of a special needs child a Warrior Mom and so to you Warrior Moms out there, keep fighting, keep praying and never, never, never give up!