Adjustment Disorder and a New Baby on the Way

After moving to North Carolina we quickly realized that Braden was struggling with such a huge transition. We had taken him away from all of his daily routines and therapies and everyone he was used to. We didn't expect him to take it all like a champ, but we didn't expect what happened either. Does anyone know what "Adjustment Disorder" is? I didn't until the doctor told us that was why Braden was having so many behavioral issues and actually went backwards in his potty training. We practically had to start over on potty training him (not fun). We thought we had been making huge strides forward, and found ourselves falling straight back. We had chosen to move into an apartment, which turned out to be a poor decision for little Bella. Being a beagle, she needed a yard and room to run and follow her nose. Not to mention with Braden's behavior issues he was not being very nice to poor little Bella. We ended up finding a nice retired couple with a large backyard and lots of time to play with her. She would be much happier with them, so we said goodbye to our little Bella and I've decided that we will just have to be a no pet household until I feel like we're at a point where the boys (and myself) can handle it. (That may never happen.) Okay, so dealing with adjustment disorder, there's not much you can do but wait for him to adjust, which took him about a year.

I don't know what made us think we were ready to have another baby, but we just had "a feeling" it was the right time (I can hear you laughing through the computer). So, back to the fertility doctor we went. I really, really didn't want to have surgery again and couldn't really afford the downtime since I didn't have any family around to help with Braden anymore. We decided just to try the same drugs we had done with Braden and what do you know…it worked! We were going to have another little Weber in June of 2011. Was I concerned that this second baby would have autism? ABSOLUTELY! It scared me, because I knew more than one family who had more than one child with autism. There was only supposed to be a 12% chance of a sibling having it, but I've learned that statistics don't matter when God is involved (and he's ALWAYS involved). He can take a life or save a life no matter what the statistics say and he sends each spirit child of his wherever they're meant to go. I was pregnant with another little boy, which meant those chances increased by four times! I thought I was a veteran though and I had been through enough wars to take on another if it happened (this just shows you how naïve I was). I was still taking Braden to and from preschool everyday and he still loved getting out of his car seat.

Let me tell you a story of a day when I broke down (there have been several, but this one sticks). I had just picked Braden up from school and we were heading home. Braden gets out of his seat, so I know exactly what to do. I pull over and tell him we won't go anywhere until he is back in his seat. He promptly gets back in his seat and buckles up. I smile and am so proud of myself for how awesome I am at handling these situations. About two minutes later, he's out of his seat belt and in the back of the car (I drove a Rav4 so it was like a playground in the back) So, I pull over again and repeat what I said the last time. Things went much differently this time though. As I sat in the driver's seat refusing to go anywhere, parked on the side of the road in some little neighborhood, I waited for Braden to calm down. No dice this time. I had learned to try not to react to his antics because he would only get excited and continue the behavior so I was doing my best to ignore the flying objects that kept hitting me in the back of the head. When he ran out of "things" to throw, he got creative and decided to strip naked and in no time at all, the passenger seat was filled with assorted things and items of clothing (of course I wasn't going to throw his ammo back at him). I had a buck naked, wild child in the back of my car (with a woman gardening in her front yard across the street looking on and concerned, though, I'm not sure if she was concerned about me, or about Braden. Maybe both), who after running out of ammo, decided he was going to get some reaction from me at any cost. He pulled my hair, punched me in the back of the head, anything he could reach (I couldn't lean too far forward because I was pretty pregnant with Jackson. So, what did I do? I cried. I rested my forehead on the steering wheel and just cried (to Braden's delight). I was probably hormonal, but also I felt like I had no control over the situation at all and didn't know how to gain control. I finally called and woke Jeremy up and he had to come and help diffuse the situation and took Braden home in his car. I will never forget this experience because it taught me two things, first, I have a great husband, who is always willing to help when things get too overwhelming for me and I love him so, so much for that (it still happens). He's cool as a cucumber and doesn't really let his temper get the better of him like I do. I'm prone to take everything personally and when your own child is abusing you, it's nearly impossible not to take that personally. Second, I learned that they sell harnesses that will keep your child from getting out of their seat NO MATTER HOW HARD THEY TRY! (Thank you my dear sweet mother-in-law!)

 

(Braden with his new harness)

 

Were we really ready to add a baby to our family? Maybe not, but Heavenly Father had confidence in me I guess, at least I took my getting pregnant so easily (easy compared to the first time anyway) as a sign that he knew I was ready. I was scheduled to be induced in late June 2011.