Will Work for Giggles

The past few years have been challenging ones for our family, but especially the past six months. I haven’t been doing as many posts recently because as much as I want to keep things on this blog real, I don’t want it to become a place that I use only for getting out my frustrations. I have a journal for that. I certainly do have many frustrations and feel overwhelmed quite often by the responsibility that weighs on me with regard to not only my children, but my husband, my family and my own health, which unfortunately, presents its own challenges that are outside of my control. Being the dreamer that I am… there are so many times that I wish just once I could have a magic wand to wave and take that weight off, even for just a while. But the more I think about it, I realize that there are a lot of times that I feel that weight lifted, even if it’s only for a few minutes.

Last night (and many nights) when we were finished eating dinner, Jackson, Jeremy and I were sitting at the table together (Braden bolts the minute he finishes inhaling his food) and Jackson was just sitting there making cute little faces at us and I couldn’t help but smile at his pure adorableness. For those few minutes, I just enjoyed him and the moment. Later in the night, it was just Jackson and I downstairs together, and he found a truck that he liked (one with buttons to push, his favorite) and he would push the button and the truck would light up and makes some sounds; he would giggle and push the button again and giggle some more. I got in on his game from the couch and began to giggle with him, which made him giggle even more and we began making faces at each other and giggling together. I relished those few minutes that we communicated with each other in the most innocent way possible. I spend a lot of my time reading, and writing words, but what Jackson and I were doing had no words, yet it was one of the sweetest moments of my day. I don’t know if Jackson will ever be able to say, “I love you, Mommy” but when we have those little moments together, I feel it and it takes some of that weight off of me.

I have those same moments with Braden too, but with Braden, things are a bit different. He can say just about anything he wants to, and he surprises us with his vocabulary sometimes. He talks like a grown up a lot, we often say, “Where on earth did he learn that?”. But Braden and I will joke around with each other sometimes, and those moments are just as precious to me as my little moments with Jackson. Braden has such a quirky sense of humor (just like me), but we butt heads quite often, more often than I would like to admit, probably because we are a lot alike. So, those moments with Braden happen less often than with Jackson, but when they do, I feel like I’m just a normal mom and he’s not autistic, for at least a few minutes.

So, despite the challenges that we face every day, I realize that I don’t really need that magic wand after all. Ok, that’s not completely true, I would LOVE to wave my health problems away but maybe someday, I’ll find a way to come to terms with that too.