If you talk to any autism mom and you ask her, “So your
child is in special education?” She will smile and say yes, but that smile is
loaded—I guarantee it. It’s not as simple as “special education” when it comes
to autism and any mom who’s been through the special education obstacle course
knows how incredibly frustrating it can be. But explaining the complexities of
dealing with special education is enough to give anyone a headache, so we smile
and say, “Yes.”
Most school districts offer special education preschool
beginning at age three. Once all of the evaluations and interviews, and
meetings are completed, your child is assigned to a school. Parents do not get
to choose which school their children attend. Numbers makes that decision. How much space is available at which
school and how far away that school is from the child’s home determine where
your sweet baby will begin their education. The numbers will select which
teacher will change and shape your child. It’s a big gamble for a parent who is
used to being the only person in charge of their child’s needs.
Throughout this child’s education, they will be moved from
school to school each year, rarely spending more than one year at a school.
Each year, you get to know a new team of people who are going to be working
with your children, as well as yourself. Making sure that special needs kids
are succeeding in their education is a team
effort. Communication is vital, and working well with your child’s teacher is
essential. But what happens when one member of the team isn’t doing their part?
Chaos. Chaos happens.
I have worked with ten
different special education teachers since my son started preschool. Some have
been good teachers but lacked in communication, leading to some frustration on
both sides. Some have been really amazing at everything; they’re the teachers
you wish you could keep forever. They know how to get through to your child,
and they help you in any way they can to bring out the best your child has to
offer, not only at school, but at home as well. Those are the teachers who have
really made me feel like I’m not completely failing at this whole autism thing.
Then there have been teachers who, for one reason or other,
fail to connect, and rather than being a team working together, I’m struggling
to understand why my child hates going to school and is deeply unhappy.
Behavior issues begin (the chaos I mentioned ensues), and everyone
involved becomes frustrated. It makes for a long and difficult year. This
school year has been one of those years. It makes me question everything I do
as a parent. It makes me feel like I’m failing. All parents question whether
they’re succeeding with their children, but autism parents are especially hard
on themselves.
We look to our children’s educators as a voice of experience
and knowledge. We look to them as a resource to turn to when we just aren’t
sure what to do. There is no “How to” manual when it comes to autism. We as parents
don’t know exactly how to handle every situation, or it wouldn’t be
challenging. So, we need teachers on
our side, working with us. Having a
teacher who criticizes and undermines you (as I have this year) is not only frustrating, it can be demoralizing.
It’s impossible to feel successful as a parent when you feel like you’re at war—and
you’re losing!
It seems the only recourse in this situation is to call the
district, and beg and plead for your child to be moved. Of course, they promise
nothing, you’re completely at the mercy of the district, and you pray till you’re
blue that next year you get a better teacher. Unless you have the financial resources
to put your child into a specialized private school, (a majority don’t have
those resources) you and your child are at the mercy of the numbers again.
I felt the need to write about this because this year has
been such an enormous struggle, that it has sapped all of my energy. I haven’t
posted anything to the blog since moving to this new school because I have been
so busy trying to keep my head above water. I know I can’t be the only mom out
there who has had to go through this. So, I wrote it for me, to let off a
little bit of steam, and to let other parents know, they’re not alone. I’m sure
this won’t be our last difficult year, and I don’t even want to think about
middle school and high school yet. It scares the tar out of me.
I have a lot of respect for teachers and educators. They
sacrifice a lot to give back to our children. But one teacher can make such a huge difference in our life for better
or worse. One teacher changes everything.
